i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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