So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
