i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
