Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
