Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
