There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
