Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
