Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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