On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your penis caused this!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
