I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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