I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
