watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
