I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
