Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
