I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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