Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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