Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
