He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize