We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
