I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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