Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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