Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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