wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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