can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize