As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
