5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
