Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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