I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
