Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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