Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
