I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
