I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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