When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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