How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
