dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
