of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize