Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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