Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
