Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i came on her dog
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
