he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize