I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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