im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
