Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Everclear isn't food dammit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
