If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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