So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
