a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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