im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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