I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
