so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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