awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
