I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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