I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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