elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
