Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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