i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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