I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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