Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
