I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
