Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
