Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize