Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize