A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
