We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
