i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
