In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
